Short and dirty...

Ok so the weekend was out of control eat wise...hubby home...friends for bbq...my parents for 2 days all equals way too much food. It was not bad food per say but just too much and we ate after 7 pm every night! Then on Monday, during the 3 hour drive to the airport to drop off my hub, he wanted to go to Dairy Queen. I had a burger--no fries, no pop...I logged that into mydailyplate.com when I got home and it was 640 cals, and 44 GRAMS OF FAT! I felt like that one item ruined Friday's workout. I've got to figure how to stop myself from sabotaging when I eat with other people. Do any of you struggle with that? My meals will be ok but then I'll snack throughout the time that we are together. Ok I'm lying I eat too much at my meals too...I think when I eat with other people I'm not as concious of what's going in my mouth as when I'm alone.

On a positive note, I've had two kickass days of workouts. I'm really enjoying the Couch to 5k program. Tomorrow I move on to run 90 secs and walk 2 mins. My friend, who runs, wonders at the slow pace of the program, but as I told her, this body has not RUN since the eighth grade so I think it's good to start slow. I've been running on the treadmill, this weekend I'll run outside, while I'm visiting my parents. That is the plan--please someone hold me to it--ok, ok, I have to hold myself accountable, I know!

All for now....oh and I'm craving peanut butter like crazy! Why!

Bike update....

Uh...yeah! Ok so this is not working out like I thought it would. The kids fight in the trailer and they are heavy! I do ok biking alone but man, with them it's unreal! And they will only stay peaceful for 5 mins, then I have to stop and negociate a peace treaty! So maybe the goal is for me to bike and take them along next summer on their own bikes :)

That being said, my sneakers arrived and I LOVE them! I also have 2 days of the Couch to 5k program under my belt and I really love that too. I love running--I feel powerful, who knew? I'm also doing interval training on the ellipitical. I kind of let my interval training slip because I was getting bored but I know that will help kickstart the weight loss--it worked in January so why not now?

I don't know if I mentioned this or not but I'm working part-time at Addition Elle for the summer. (I worked at Penningtons, like 5 years ago, before I got my fulltime teaching gig--sound familiar Carolyn???) My friends who are fellow teachers think I'm crazy but I have to stay busy or I'll eat all the time--it's what my history is. ANYWAYS--I would just like to remind my fellow bloggers how important a good, supportive bra is. I see women come into the store all the time and try on clothes and they think that the shirt/top/dress is not right for them. However, once I convince them to try on a bra that actually places the "girls" where they should be, it's amazing the difference in the clothes. I bought into the idea of a good bra many years ago when I originally worked at Penningtons. I understand that bras are expensive but they are one of the few items that you will wear EVERYDAY, so why shouldn't you have a good one? People will eat out and spend $50 for dinner and that's gone in minutes... Ok enough of a mini-rant, just an idea to those of you who sometimes feel slouchy in your garments :)

Thanks to all who read my blog, it's nice to "feel" your support. Just as I hope that I support y'all...

I've got to drive to Halifax airport tomorrow night to pick up hubby--very happy to do that! We are having friends over for BBQ on Friday night and my parents are coming to town for a visit (they live 3 hours away) so this weekend will be busy but fun. AND summer school ends Friday--big YEAH for that!

I bought a bike....

Looking at my daily routine, I realize that other than going to the gym, I have very little "active" activity in my day. I had purchased a bike trailer many months ago for the kids, with the intentions of getting a bike. So today I FINALLY followed thru. The kids loved it and realized that my level of fitness is quite a bit lower than I had thought! So instead of coming home at night and just fiddling time away until bedtime, I'm going to go for a bike ride and take the kids. Nothing like hauling my 250 lb body around plus the 80 lbs in the trailer...I want to show my kids that living an active life style is more than going to the gym...

Hello...my name is Emotional Eater and it's been 2 hours since my last binge...

ARG!!!!!!

Ok, had to get that off my chest. My husband works away from home,3000 kms away. Our relationship has been topsy turvy for the last 5 years. We love each other but can bring out the worse in each other too. I have a lot of anxiety when I'm with my husband because of past things he has says to me and I worry that some day, out of the blue our relationship will end. (Long story short, last fall he told me on the phone that he didn't think he was in love with me anymore.) Since the day he said that to me, he apparently regrets it and wants me to "move on". Well that might work for some people but I don't "move on". No I stew, I worry, I EAT my deep emotions. However his last few trips home, he has tried very much to be a different husband, a better husband but I've had my guard up and I would create arguments, just for argument sake. I realized after he left to go back to work 2 weeks ago, that I was the one who was holding our happiness hostage and it was up to me to open myself up to being loved by him and loving him. I have told him this, so his visit home this weekend went much more smoothly.

HOWEVER, that didn't stop me from eating things I shouldn't and drinking way more diet soda than I've ever consumed. It's like the logical part of my brain knows that I"m trying to NUMB myself from something horrible but I can't stop myself. I really think that I need to look into a counsellor/therapist to help me stop turning to food as a comfort item. I wish I knew what started this pattern for me.... I jumped on the scale this morning and it read 254--up 3 lbs in one week? How is that possible? I mean I k1now I didn't make so great food choices this weekend but 3 lbs is pretty dramatic, dontcha think?! I really think I'm not going to weigh myself anymore, it just messes with my mind. All day long I thought F**k I've been working hard at the gym and eating healthy 85% of the time, what's the point? So I came home and drowned my sorrows in a bucket of Breyers Vanilla Ice Cream...You can't see me right now but I've formed a gun with my hand and I'm shooting myself...I realize the horrible cycle I'm getting myself in...and dammit tomorrow is a new day and it will be a better day. I CAN DO THIS and I WILL DO this!!!!!!!

On another note, I'm working 2 jobs this summer. I am teaching summer school in the morning and working at Addition Elle in the afternoon--purely selfish reasons. I want the great discount on clothes--I really want to be down another size come September (although I wasn't thinking that tonight). The only drawback to having 2 jobs is that it does interfere with my gym time; however, summer school ends next Friday so I'll be able to get back to early morning workouts soon.

Oh yeah and we went to the beach on Sunday and I've got a lovely (*sarcastic*) burn on the back of my legs....OUCH...so the gym would be a pretty unbearable place right now...

Take care my fellow bloggers...I will not give up, I WILL NOT BUY\EAT ICE CREAM,
I WILL NOT BUY\EAT ICE CREAM, I WILL NOT BUY\EAT ICE CREAM (it's my mantra from now to Sept)!

TADA...!

Ok so Monday was suppose to be my weigh in day BUT...I had hopped on the scale Sat for a preview and come Monday I was up 3lbs! WTF! But Tuesday came and I thought screw it, I'll get on again---251 lbs....down 4 lbs from Monday! I thought how crazy is that. Well that afternoon, I started my period...ah the crazy roller coaster of the scale, hormones, water retention and whatever else that is involved in this journey. So Tuesdays will be my official weigh in day. Hopefully next Tuesday we will see some progress.

On the fitness front, I've been working hard in the gym. 50 mins of cardio and 30-40 mins of strength training everyday. I'm trying to take advantage of my "free time" (being a teacher and all) because I know once I start back to work that I'll be limited to 60 min workouts again. I had an interesting encounter last Friday at the gym. While I was sweating it out on the elliptical and pushing myself hard, this lady walked by me. She was probably in her late 50s early 60s but she had the healthiest looking skin--it just glowed and I thought to myself if I could look life that at her age, I would be so lucky. Well when I went into the changing room later, that lady was just leaving the shower. She looked at me and said, "Wow, you had a great workout." I thought she meant because I was super red and drenched in sweat. I replied that I was working hard to break a plateau. She said, "Well I just admired how hard you were working. Have you tried running?" I said that I didn't think I was ready for that. She felt that by how quick I was on the elliptical that I should try running outside and recommended that I purchase "The Running Book" by John Stanton of the Running Room. I thought a lot about what she said and maybe I am ready to start running but I'm scared, what if I look like an idiot, what if I hurt myself. I need advice from my fellow bloggers who do run....how did you start? I did buy the book but you guys have been in the same position as me so I respect what y'all have to say. (Sorry Alli had to throw that in there, it's still part of my vocab since I lived in High Point, 9 years ago!)

One last bit of info for those interested...I've really been tracking every morsel of food that enters my lips via http://www.thedailyplate.com/ Thanks to one of my fellow bloggers for telling me about this site. I find it very encouraging to see immediately how many cals, fat, sodium, fiber etc...that I'm consuming and I feel very empowered. It also helps me see where I make misjudgements, so I highly recommend it to everyone interested in tracking calories.

The hubby will be home from Alberta tomorrow night and will be home until Monday afternoon--here's promising myself to stay on track despite his yucky eating habits.

Oh, oh, one more thing. Lately my knees have been killing me at night once I'm home. I thought it was the elliptical and maybe I would have to give it up but ALAS NO... I need new running shoes. This is what I've ordered but it will take 4-6 weeks for them to come in

Hopefully the knees won't give up....

Understanding calories...

I know that weight loss is calories consumed versus calories expended. Last night I found a formula in Fitness magazine that calculates how many calories you should consume to lose you desired weight. My came to 1600 calories...does that sound right? I have read some blogs were people eat around 1200...just wondering if anyone knows anything about this. As well I work out 5 days per week and burn approximately 600-700 calories per workout. Is this enough or do I need to do more because I'm not sure I can. That is 50 mins of cardio (25 min x two different machines) plus I work my abs and do some kind of weight training every day. My friends think my weight loss has stalled because of my weight training, "You're building muscle they say." My response is for 3 months?!

I've been inspired by you lot to post my weight online with a weekly weigh-in so I've decided my weigh in day is going to be Monday morning. Hopefully this will encourage me to stay on track with my eating on the weekends.

I found a new wagon...

Ok so after being up and down on the scale the last few months--I'm determined that I'm losing 15 lbs by September 1st. My exercise program is good but I'm working out 5 days a week, burning at least 500 calories per workout. I'm going to try to get in the occassional Saturday workout on the weekends that hubby is home. So really the area that needs attention is my eating. I've gotten slack the last few months. I've been stress about my relationship with my husband and when I'm stressed, I eat. As well I've been exercising hard, only to eat things that I shouldn't because c'mon I've worked hard. Well no more. I was measuring food in terms of how long would it take for me to work that off and lately that thought hasn't even entered my mind. So from now on, that's my modus operandi.

To track my eating, a friend has agreed that we will email each other every day of what we have eaten, so there's some accountability. Tonight I made the kids mac and cheese and cooked myself a steak and brussel sprouts. Well after I dished out their portions of mac and cheese, there was about 4 tablespoons left. My first thought was to eat it, so it wouldn't be "wasted"(I didn't want to eat it). I put the first bite in my mouth and thought what are you doing?! I spit it out and tossed the leftovers. I sat down with my steak and brussel sprouts and enjoyed my meal. Yay for being conscious! However the weekend is coming and that's usually my downfall...so if you could send some good eating vibes my way, it would be much appreciated.

Alternate plan

Ok so the gym was closed but I called up a friend and we went for a walk--for 60 mins! Bad news--wore sandals. Mental note: wear sneakers when out for exercise and put on sunscreen! I have a bad burn around my neck--no redneck jokes please :)

One more thing, I did have have McDonald's for breakfast this morning--long story short, late night last night==dragging ass this morning. I chose the BLT, which I thought was not a bad choice.WELL it bothered me all day long, nagging at the back of my mind--how poor was it? I looked it on the net when I got home. 440 calories and 20 grams of fat--wicked! I know that I will never order that again. An egg mcmuffin has "only" 290 calories and 12 grams of fat. Forewarned is forearmed...does that make sense?! LOL I know that some of you just don't do fast food at all but I am realistic enough about myself and my family to know that it is something that happens. So I would rather familarize myself with the menu, make an informed choice and compensate throughout the day. Anyways tomorrow morning I'll be back to cereal, all bran buds and berries, which I love. MMMMMM bran buds, who knew?