Wednesday, August 13, 2008

My iPod healed itself!

Ok so I thought it was toast, apparently I just let the battery run down--THANK GOD! Today's workout was much needed and very therapeutic.

Is anyone else watching Big Brother 10--I am addicted to bad reality tv shows but Big Brother is usually my favorite. However, this year, I have no idea how they found so many loud mouthed, annoying and obnoxious people to place in one house. It must be the new criteria to make it more watchable (roll of the eyes)...I don't think I like one person enough to root for them to win half a million dollars.

Today I had lunch with a friend from my university years. She last saw me around one year ago and she said to me "You look just amazing, how much weight have you lost?" When I told her 40 lbs, she said she could believe it and what was my secret. Her comment was just what I needed today. For the last few weeks, I've been feeling out of sorts. I didn't want to care what I ate, what time I ate or how much I ate. I still wanted to exercise but my eating has been out of control. 3 nights ago I had a big bowl of peanut butter fudge crunch ice cream for supper--I don't even want to think about how many calories it was or how much fat :( After I ate it, I asked myself do you really want to go back to your old FAT self...I'm still overweight but I don't feel FAT anymore--know what I mean?? Anyways when my friend was complimenting me today, I realized that even though I feel tired of what I'm doing, it was working for me. As well, I need to re-examine why I wanted to lose weight in the first place. And you know what, even though I've been telling people that it was for me, that wasn't the honest truth. The honest truth was that I wanted to improve my relationship with my husband, I wanted our sex life to be "hot" again. I thought if I lost weight, then maybe we could rekindle what we once had. But I realize now that what we once had is maybe gone and maybe I need to say the heck with him and trying to make him happy, I need to focus on what makes me happy. But what do you do when you think it's him that makes you happy?


Cammy said...

Good news about the iPod.

Looks like you've got some serious considering to do. Knowing what makes us "happy"--heck even defining "happy"--is a tough nut to crack. I hope you'll give yourself the time and space to think everything through. Taking care of yourself physically will help.

Big Girl said...

I love the compliments and yours is certainly well deserved. You lost 40 pounds and that is awesome.

And yes, I hear you about trying to get that hot sex back. I thought when I lost some weight, it might change things around for me but, so far, not so much. I think basically once you have kids, you really really have to work a lot harder at having sex with your partner.

And... I'm glad your ipod fixed itself. whew!

elife said...

I think absolutely doing what makes you happy is important. But I also think you weren't off base in trying to do something to make your marriage better, or your family happier. After all, I would expect your husband to do things to try to make you happier as well.

So glad your ipod healed itself!

DoctorJohn said...

I agree on what Cammy have said, its important that you can take care of yourself. and im glad that a lot of people are still doing their very best to lose weight and stay healthy, in a safe and natural way.

-Doctor John