Emotional weekend...

Ok...why do I buy ice cream? Can someone tell me that? I cannot have ice cream in the house without eating it and I was raised that you do not throw out good food. So I bought a carton of ice cream on Friday and today it is gone. And I'm relieved and full :( I need to not buy it! I will not buy ice cream, I will not buy ice cream, I will not buy ice cream (it's my new chant)!

However other than ice cream, the weekend was not bad. Hubby was home from his "away" job. He will now be home every other weekend, while this is still tough it is better than weeks and weeks at a time. However, he has not joined me on the healthier eating wagon, so the first thing he does when he gets home is buy groceries. White bread, butter, 2% milk, sweets and bacon. Luckily a fan of bacon I am not but I did get him to eat a salad with me and he is using the "light" cheez whiz :) Baby steps...

Can I just say how annoyed I am that my gym is closed tomorrow for Canada Day! I know it's a great holiday and everyone deserves it but it falls on a Tuesday--I haven't missed a Mon-Fri workout day in 3 weeks! Sat and Sunday are my days off---grrrr....

I'm ranting--probably all the sugar from the ice cream--I will not buy ice cream, I will not buy ice cream, I will not buy ice cream!

Non Scale Victory!

Ok so this is a small victory but a victory none the less. Currently my kids are with my parents for the week. I went to the gym 2 hours on Sunday. Monday was golf and our end of year staff party. MUCH MUCH alcohol was consumed (not the NSV) but today.... hung over and all....I went to the gym and did my routine. The "scary" part was that I WANTED to go and I ENJOYED it. How funny it is that 2 months ago, if I had time to myself, no kids, I would have run a bath, got a tub of ice cream, and a book. How times have changed...

Tired this week...

Well my school year is winding down. We had Prom/Safe Grad on Monday night. I stayed up all night supervising 190 graduates (along with my co-workers). We had hypnotist, a bonfire and breakfast at dawn...it was GREAT fun! Wednesday night was Graduation and I have to tell you that it is this night that makes me appreciate what I do for a living. My specialty is teaching kids who struggle to get through school. Some kids struggle due to learning disabilities, some due to mental illness and others come from highly dysfunctional families where the main focus is just survival. So for me to watch those kids walk across the stage and receive a high school diploma is just amazing and a bit sad knowing that for some of them, this will be the highlight of their life. Today was paperwork day and tomorrow will be too. So needless to say, the gym has only seen me 2x this week but I will be going tomorrow morning.

Eating has been on track, aside from the deepfried hash browns on Tuesday morning--YUM! I feel better this week, I think that increasing veggies and cutting down on fruit has helped as well as I've increased my fiber. For those of you who have not tried the All Bran buds, they are actually very tasty. My kids will eat them, so what does that say?! hahahahaha

On another front, my husband has taken a job where he will work 10 days in Alberta and be home in New Brunswick for 4 days. Less money but he will be home on a regular basis. We'll have to see how this all plays out...

C'mon summer vacation--I'm going to learn to golf this summer--that's my goal. That and to lose 15 lbs between now and my return to work in September. I hope that's workable since I've only lost about 8lbs since February. I'm ramping up the exercise this summer, so here's planning.... (not hope, since I had hope for years that the weight would magically disappear and we all know how that worked out)....

Has Pennington's changed?

I was into Pennington's today--haven't been in awhile. Anyways I saw a cute skort on sale but it was size 20. I thought what the heck I'll try it on. At the same time, I saw a nice polo shirt and it was size 2x. Well the skort fit perfectly and the shirt was a bit big, I think I could have worn the 1x but there was none left. So if I'm wearing smaller clothes, what's up with the scale?! But you know what, I'm so happy about the clothes that I'm not even bothered with the scale.

Isn't it funny...

Today a good friend of mine said to me, "Wow you are continuing to lose weight. You look great." I thanked her and wondered if it was true, could other people see a difference in me. When I look at myself, in a mirror or a reflection, I still see the overweight me. Tonight though, I took a good look at my naked body in the mirror. Hmmm my fat roll above my belly button, oh my god I HAVE a belly button, is getting smaller. On the bellt button front, I can remember the last time I looked at my naked self and saw my belly button as it is suppose to look. maybe when I was 16 or 17 but I can't remember that. Oh wait my arms, that I HATE because they are so flabby, well aren't so flabby anymore. I will actually wear shirts that have cap-sleeves, which I avoided forever. And hey look at that, I do have an ass, its round and a bit cute. And when I smile, which is more often, I no longer see a double chin. And oh my god, are those collarbones, ok so they are not obvious but I can feel them with my hands. So I guess there is progress. I think part of the problem is that I had trained myself not to look at myself in mirrors because I hated myself and what I had become. However, i think now the mirror could help motivate me to keep going.

I don't know if anyone else watches the show "X-weighted" but last night was an incredibly motivating story of a woman from Calgary, who dropped 46 pounds in 6 months and 20 INCHES--to me the inches was just amazing. I like that show, and I wish Paul Plakas would come give me an exercise program to target my needy areas--hey Paul if you read this, call me :)

Lastly the eating this week has been much better. I don't want to go back to being "ugly", uncomfortable and unable to buy "cool" clothes. I eat my carbs in the morning and that's it--meaning bread or cereal. After that it's lean protein, fruit, veggies, yogurt and water. I don't feel as sluggish at the end of the day and my "sweet" craving is starting to diminuish--here's hoping the scale moves soon...

Rejunvenation!

Ok so here it is...I'm back on the low carb diet again, which means only carbs one meal a day. By carbs, I mean bread, rice and high carb foods. I don't mean carrots, fruit or yogurt. I tried that one time and did not last too long. I love fruit and can't believe that some "diets" ask you not to eat fruit. Anyways the reason for the change-up is that I've slipped into "oh I've done so well, I can have this, I'm going to exercise tomorrow"! Last night, eating my second bowl of ice cream, I realized that I'm going to gain back every pound I've lost if I don't pull it together.

So this morning, because I was away visiting family all weekend, I had a coffee and low fat muffin for breakfast. Morning snack yogurt and 1/4 cup of berries. Lunch was veggies and fruit cup. Dinner tonight was brussel sprouts, palm size piece of steak and 1/2 cup of noodles. Tomorrow I have to go grocery shopping to pull this all together.

On the exercise front, things are going well. I'm looking forward to the summer so that I have more time to workout. Right now I have 60 mins max for gym time before work, usually its 45 mins. Since I have my summers off, I plan on 90 mins a day plus a new activity--maybe golf?