Single Parenting again...

Well my hubby left Friday morning to return to Alberta. He works in Fort McMurray and simply we do it for the money---well more so we can have a house and 2 vehicles. Selfish of us, maybe but that's the choice we made and hopefully it's short-term. However, the downside is that we live apart and the kids think that Daddy is a pilot and he works at the airport. That is funny to me because being a pilot is way cooler than what DH actually does. I love my kids but there are moments when being alone with them 24/7 is overwhelming and I wonder if other moms ever feel like that.

When I do feel completely overpowered by them, I feel guilt, which is the emotion that drives my eating. I just wish I knew why I feel guilt--I could get it if I was Catholic or if my parents raised me that way but they didn't. I went to therapy a couple of times to try to get to the root of this but nothing was resolved--she told me to stop worrying about pleasing others and please myself. Easier said then done but I wanted to know why I have always cared more about what others think. And if I really care about what others think, why would I choose food to soothe myself when that would only make me fat and once again impact what others think about me....it's so bizzare when I try to reason it out.

Anyways with DH home, I wasn't as strict with myself as I normally am, eating-wise. But the real damage was done Friday and today. I get so upset when he leaves and even though I know that cake isn't going to make me feel better, I ate it anyways. And didn't stop with one piece. Then the neighbour's daughter came by selling Girl Guide cookies--I'm not a cookie eater but there is something addictive about the GG, it's probably the trans fats :( Anyways I had 10, yep count'em 10 cookies for breakfast. The weird part is that I was concious of what I was doing, my little voice was asking me what the hell I was doing but I continued to eat anyways....However I have vowed that tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow there are no more excuses! NONE! I went out today and bought healthy groceries and have planned some great meals for the rest of the week--come on by wagon---I'm looking to hop back on :)